You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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