He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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