I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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