if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize