Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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