fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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