he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize