I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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