Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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