when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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