Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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