Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fuck appropriateness.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize