I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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