can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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