I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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