I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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