He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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