i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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