he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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