Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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