so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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