In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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