i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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