just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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