i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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