just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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