Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize