I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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