my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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