im about as happy as oj after his trial
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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