I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize