Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(840): View more from

Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****

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(840): Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to ***** http://tfl.nu/9ulm

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(207): View more from Maine

Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.

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(207): Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete. http://tfl.nu/jsd4

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(971): View more from Oregon

you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?

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(971): you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything? http://tfl.nu/ldjb

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(917): View more from New York City

It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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(917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

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(832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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(405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69

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(905): View more from Ontario

They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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(905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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(832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1

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(619): View more from California

Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.

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(619): Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/2isj

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(410): View more from Maryland

Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?

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(410): Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"? http://tfl.nu/6yo8

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(740): View more from Ohio

I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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(740): I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums http://tfl.nu/g3fl

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(585): View more from New York

By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.

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(585): By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some. http://tfl.nu/uaz4

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(201): View more from New Jersey

The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..

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(201): The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in.. http://tfl.nu/ctm0

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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(405): I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities. http://tfl.nu/i4vg

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(214): View more from Texas

Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao

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(214): Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao http://tfl.nu/k098

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