there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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