We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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