Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize