I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
third nipple confirmed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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