Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize