that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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