no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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