I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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