I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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