If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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