she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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