You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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