Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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