she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize