That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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