So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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