What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize