dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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